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| 02:26pm 22/03/2007 |
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Yea it has been a long time since I've even thought about using this thing and kinda figured I never would again. Does anybody even read these besides me anyway? I just feel like i gotta get something off my chest and scream, AAAHHHHHHHH, metaphorically of course.
I'm really confused I don't know if I really knew the meaning of love. I think I always convinced myself otherwise. I always feel mad and hurt and upset. That's not how it's supposed to be is it? uggh. I don't wanna shoot myself in the foot or anything so I'm gonna stop.
School doesn't help. I just do enough to get by now. I feel stupid i guess.
Ehh i know things will be better no matter what happens I guess.
I wish i could rewrite the story 'cause i don't wanna sing this to the lonely ones. |
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| 10:47am 18/08/2006 |
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I love how life just metaphorically winds up and chucks another ball square at my nose. maybe some day things will happen the way I want because right now I forsee a rough 3 months ahead of me. |
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| 07:42pm 22/06/2006 |
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I shouldn't keep everything bottled up all the time because I just tend to hurt those around me. I can't go on this way. Maybe it's about that time to realize when you need to give up or change your outlook on life. Although the later of the two is way harder... |
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| It's hard to move you |
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| 04:15pm 05/05/2006 |
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I hate being home. It is so boring. And I just don't get why I can't be happy here. ever. Maybe I should just go to East Lansing since we have our apartment ready. I mean at least up there I feel slightly less miserable and I'll have a job.
Did I mention it is terrible how hard it is to find a job within a 30 mile radius of macomb.
alcohol sounds pretty good right now
I am so depressed here |
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| Lets go to the land where fears and lies melt away |
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| 11:57pm 28/04/2006 |
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mood:  contemplative
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To put it bluntly I feel like getting hit over the head with bricks. I hate finals. Which is weird cuz usually I like taking tests.
So I saw my professor to get some help with my practice final exam. We were working on some and he kept telling me how stupid i am and need to study. And after awhile of doing that he told me just to go and study before I saw him again. So I went to class the next day and he asked the same questions I asked him. No one else could answer him and then he looked at me expecting me to answer them. And I am thinking hell no bitch not after you called me stupid 10 times.
next week wed. is my last final and I can't wait to get home... and then get a job... and i guess that sounds just as shitty as going to classes.
Mixed feelings before finals aren't cool; no comment on this.
Sweet dude
What if tonight the angels don't fly
Then what's left of me |
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| 12:19am 14/04/2006 |
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Yea I think it's about time to drop out school. I've had enough of this shit. I've had enough of tim's awkward gayness and i regret ever telling him about the open room on our floor. I regret asking him to move into our apartment next year. I regret seeing him. This little bitch has some nerve. And this mentor sees us arguing and also has some nerve to fucking gawk. so i shut the door in his face. So i say sorry yet this little bitch threatens to write me up. He can suck my dick. He became a mentor becuz he was too fucking poor to pay for his education. He should be cleaning the scum off my shoes. As i kick him into a pile of godshit. Get a fucking real job cunt. I swear to god I will pulverize that bitch next time he looks at me.
This fucking bitch disgusts me so I walk away as he mocks me, this is something i cant take lightly so i confront him and tell him he looks like a fucking mess and he needs to wipe this huge ass snot he has coming out of his nose walk away and call him my bitch. End of story. Don't think i'll hesitate. I'm pretty crazy. |
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| Let's exchange it's not so bads and mean it |
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| 03:14pm 21/03/2006 |
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mood:  Meh music: april sixth
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Coming home this weekend and i'm thinkin i pretty much am open for anything, got no plans yet. Besides hanging out with iggy every day probly haha. Anyway i'm game for partying and up since I will have taken exams for all 3 of my hardest classes this week. Already had calc today, and i'm hoping i did decent so i dont fail.
Meh. I need to keep my mouth shut on here cuz some peeps are all about fueling the fire and causing shit. Yup. Bastards.
The one thing i'm lookin forward to is summer. And its takin too long.
If only my love could be with you
I'll break you away from me
Cuz I don't care |
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| So, umm......yeah |
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| 10:28pm 16/03/2006 |
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tomorrow is st. Patty's day so you know what that means you crazy kids. Oh yea time to get trashed at noon haha. beer pong could be pimp.
First week back was pretty sweet, went by decently fast. I didn't have to present in my group project i've been bitching about which was sweet =P.
I guess I don't have much interesting to say. Break turned out pretty sweet; got beat up quite a bit, but other than that twas good.
Can't wait til summer, Gonna try one of my get rich schemes out called "get a job." Plus I'll actually get to spend quality time with natalie which has been hard to come by.
Whelp time for hmwk. |
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| Losing is the new Winning |
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| 01:23am 09/03/2006 |
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I'm started to think that gambling is evil
I've lost like 7 games of poker in a row and about 4 of them I've gotten screwed over in some way shape or form. Since i've lost in poker I've tried scratch to try to redeem myself... not a good idea. Scratch offs are indeed fun but they never work out in the long run.
This break hasn't been all that satisfying yet maybe it's because I haven't seen natalie like at ALL... shes either working, at drum line, or sick. When we did hang out tho it was fun, its always fun. hopefully we can actually spend a decent amount of time together before break is over.
Anybody got any sweet ideas for things to do cuz I need some.
also i started my hmwk so wears my damn award.
And now I'm shaking
I hope I'm making
perfect sense so place your bets
to see where I end up
and oh my god this place is so messed up
Rip me apart to see my insides
compose myself I'm not secure
and dont believe
a single thing that you have heard
and throw my pride into this fire
my confidence is dead I'm tired
I'm giving up
I won't burn out, I'll just burn up |
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| please don't act so deserving |
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| 05:09pm 26/02/2006 |
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mood:  stressed
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i stand for love
and i stand for us
yea... fuck yea.
Theres too many shades of grey covering me everyday.
So I got a headache and I can't do any homework cuz I can't even force myself to concentrate. This sucks. oh yes does it suck.
On the plus side I have my spring break next week, so thats just frickin amazing. Probly do nothing cuz you high school kids are at school half the day. And you college kids are going somewhere or working. But idc i am just happy to get to put everything bothering me out of my mind... yeah that sounds amazing.
I wish I was smart in calculus cuz I really want to stay in engineering. maybe something will happen and I'll be a calc genius. |
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| Same old story |
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| 01:09am 24/02/2006 |
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mood:  yippy f-in skippy
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*I got a notice that i'm going to fail out of calc
*my girlfriend doesn't even love me/ respond to my calls
*75% of my friends are either assholes or completely forgot about me
*i just blew up on about half of the kids on my hall
*my computer is acting retarted and needs to go blow a big one
^^ Care to add to the list
I can study for hours and hours and retain close to no information I read. i have seriously become ADD and have severe depression with angry outbursts of rage. I can only convince myself that tomorrow will be a better day so many times. Yea pathetic isn't it? I need outta here. I hate being here. I don't know if I want to even come back next year. I wish I could come to a huge university and take slap ass social sciences like the rest of the dumb asses here, but my dad would never allow it. I'm easier than ever to manipulate, I will do just about anything someone will tell me to do. << I'm above the influence!
Well off to fail another few classes tomorrow!
I write in a fucking livejournal when I'm depressed. How fucking ridiculous is that?
How was everyone elses day? (insert answer)... well thats just fucking great.
All i want is to be with you
minutes of me and you
you say it's worth the pain
well sometimes it is? |
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| Everyone knows I'm in over my head |
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| 09:22pm 13/02/2006 |
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mood:  yay music: kid playing trumpet next door
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You look at me and breathe that heavy sigh you always do
Should I know what it means?
My best guess would be to think of me and how I think of you
The sigh is the strands of devotion, that which tie me to you.
The knock on your window in evening hours never disturbed you
And the time you thought I was this crazy stalker
Its hard to believe where we've gone from there
Nights of memories like, "I just died in your mouth tonight." (heh)
I sit on your bed wishing I was here to stay
So kiss me just a little longer... so I can be here to stay
This is for my best friend... and my girlfriend
You never had to claim me cuz I was already yours
Is this our sign? Like how it rains when we're together
Rock shows and crowd surfing followed by car rides where you rested your head on mine
I wished we could have drove all night
The knock on your window in evening hours never disturbed you
And the time you thought I was this crazy stalker
Its hard to believe where we've gone from there
Nights of memories like, "I just died in your mouth tonight."
I sit on your bed wishing I was here to stay
So kiss me just a little longer... so I can be here to stay
so kiss me just a little longer...
I love you natalie! Happy valentines day =]
Well this is something I wrote. I like to pretend I'm good at writing lyrics so if this really is bad don't make fun of me =P. |
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| I don't wanna spend this friday night, like i had to spend last friday night |
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| 03:59pm 05/02/2006 |
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Grr I hate hate hate school. I dread going to my classes cuz I can't even pay attention to them anymore. And if you think high school speech class is bad, we'll I gotta do a presentation in front of 210 people. Fuck thats shit. Seriously I should not even have to put up with this nonsense with what I wanna do.
Well this weekend was pretty interesting. And I can't wait until some cool people come and visit so I can have some more sweet weekends.
Also I hate football and the superbowl. I have a feeling that i'm not going to be able to get shit done tonight.
On a side not I completely miss my #1. Is it completely biased for me to say that she is the most b-e-a-utiful person on earth.
It rains in heaven all day long, and I just wanted to tell you, "I'm miserable here without you." |
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| the things you said I'm rehearsing them |
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| 10:37am 28/01/2006 |
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mood:  not happy music: saosin
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Please speak softly so they don't know that we don't trust them.
Speak up dear cuz I can hardly hear.
Ok I'm a liar I'm still emo 75%, maybe I should get some zoloft like for real. I hate college now it makes me emo 80% of the time. Cuz All I do is worry about homework and if i'm gonna fail. I can't wait until summer and especially next year so I can have my own apartment, it'll be better... I hope.
Thinks are seriously harder than ever, I can't even describe them. I've been a downward funk for like 3 years and i'm just waiting for it to stop. i hope it does.
So aparently people think I'm whipped... you guys are fuckers go find someone else to talk about.
And i just realized the one day i'm up early enough I missed breakfast at burger king... shit.
I take the pills to keep me still |
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| Did u get some, man thats so dumb... |
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| 08:26pm 17/01/2006 |
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mood: emo music: a thorn for every heart
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You'd think that being a guy with testosterone you wouldn't get offended by the small things... but i do. wtf man. Seriously i've said it before but all my closest friends are at home and it feels like they don't even care half as much as i do. For real, I didnt think we'd grow so far apart to the point where when i'm home (and they damn well know it!) they wouldn't want to hang out with me. Guess I'm crazy like that. At least I have a few people that I know will be there when i'm home, such as my amazing amazing girlfriend =P, and gave me flowers before i left heh. Anyone else I'm slightly disappointed.
coming home again in 2 weeks... to those that still care.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4435593179243241083&q=fall+out+boy right on! sell out bastards.
Runaway, run from this, i'll take the pain for the two of us.
i'll light a fire up under ur ass |
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| This is my personal symphony |
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| 09:32am 09/01/2006 |
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mood:  awake music: mae
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I am completely satisfied. Dare I say it, I am even happy for once. I got this girlfriend who tells me she loves me, but I love her so much and I have for the longest time. She even visited me to see me off to school =]. i love you natalie
Its time to get with the game and do things right this time at school. I know this semester will go well cuz I got everything in my life centered, the good and the bad; the yin and the yang... something cool like that. Either way I am focused for this year. My classes seem easier compared to last semester but we'll see how that'll turn out.
Also being sick sucks. I was sick for the last 3 days of break and I couldn't even move. At least it wasn't mono, my goal is to avoid that cuz it comes back to haunt you when u get old. but yea.
Let's figure this out. |
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| i'm singing loud |
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| 01:15pm 31/12/2005 |
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Not to be a bulletin announcing the news it brings but I got something really important to me and am extremely happy =] =]. Yay macomb is good after all.
Played poker at kristin's house and it was the longest most boring game of poker i've ever played. There were three tables and top 2 from each table advanced to the final table me and natalie knocked out our whole table in like 45 minutes (and about 66.6% of the people that played, 15 people) and waited for seriously 3 hours cuz no one else at the other tables were kncoked so I joined another table and made the magic happen. All I can say was what a mess. Hopefully your as bored reading that as I was sitting waiting last night =P.
New years eve tonight I hope none of you punked out on your new years resolution, if u did u stil got 10 hours and 50 minutes to do it... so well do it! (starsky and hutch do it, if u know what i'm talkin about).
Anyway I'm goin over natalies tonight and i guess i get a couple beers lol. which i found kinda funny. yay should be fun.
** add on **
I got 3.0 gpa not good, dads not gonna be happy. Probly be paying for a class. On the bright side I passed human genetics phew.
I've got a girlfriend who tells me she needs me,
and she loves me. we'll probly get married,
and everyone will bite their tongues so hard they bleed. |
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| 12:52pm 29/12/2005 |
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I feel absolutely paranoid and it's been going on for the past few days. I think I'm gonna wind up in the hospital or something worse is going to happen... only I have no idea what it is. I can't get my thoughts/feelings/words straight. I can only tell myself so many times I'm doing the right thing or I'm on the right track in life and believe. I am ignorant. Ignorant to the world around me sometimes.
Promises aren't forever but make them last as long as you can or else it's no better than a lie.
home by three
deafening quiet
the porchlights off cuz they forgot it
she'd cry herself to sleep but she don't dare
and she wants to be in my room
and she wants to hear she's beautiful, she's beautiful
I wanna save you, I wanna save you
I need you to save me too, save me too |
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| His make-up looks so great next to your teeth |
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| 12:06am 24/12/2005 |
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First off I just want to say I'm pissed. I actually want to try to make a living off of poker if at all possible. I know how cliche is that I'm a kid with a dream frickin adorable. I mean what self-respecting girl would take a guy who has ambitions like mine seriously. She'd be broke all the time.
Well I'm feelin pretty broke right about now I am way too loose with my money compared to what I used to be. And not too mention I have hit the biggest low of games of poker ever. I think I'm started to seriously rack up a $50 deficit. Yea I know that's alot and I'm p/oed.
Seriously how great would it be to enter the WSOP and take a first place victory. I am convinced one day I'll try and hope the momentum swings my way. That's be nice. First of all someone that could be there for me and appreciate what I'd do would be nice.
Anyway I might have something going good for me so I hope all is well. Lets see.
Light that smoke, yeah, one for giving up on me
and one just cause they'll kill you sooner than my expectations
too my favorite liar
too my favorite scar
I could have died with you |
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